I gotta get out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve not been to bed yet. I am one of those people, who after a conflict or confrontation find it impossible to settle, calm down and stop crying. Last night things became more than a little heated in the Lingard household. For the safety of mine and Mark’s relationship I am moving out. Mark will follow soon.

I was well warned before I moved here by Mark just how impossible things were, how difficult just getting through each day was as a result of constant put downs and a bad attitude. I was naïve. I thought I could help. Thought that if I acted as a bridge that things would get better. Thought that by distracting Mark, getting him out and about and away from the house that everything would just slot into place. You know how sometimes people just clash, and often all they need is some space from each other and it just seems to fizzle out, well I was sure this was the way it would be. How wrong was I!

These past few weeks have been intolerable, the last 4 days have been hell. I have found my personal mail being read, Mark’s finance information is apparently meant to be common news around here too, what we spend of our money has to be documented and shared, we’ve had our room invaded . . . yes I was informed by a non-our room dweller that there was a five pound note in the third drawer on Mark’s desk behind the batteries (was my emergency fiver, been there for months) then went on to admit “having a nosey” the last time Mark and I were up in Scotland. Also Mark and I had our business blabbed to various people after making it very clear this was not to be the case. Call me petty, but IT’S NOT FREAKING ON!!!!

So, I’m off to stay with a friend for a couple of weeks until Mark and I get paid and we can get our own place! I hate being childish, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m not going to be around as I can’t just say to my mate “hey, thanks for saving my ass, now what’s the code for your wifi?”.

I usually can't go two nights without Mark when visiting back home, these next few weeks are going to kill me. I can't fall asleep unless his arms are wrapped around me, keeping me safe and closed off from the world, it is my "happy place". It's breaking my heart knowing that he isn't going to be the first face I see in the morning, or that I won't get my sweet, sweet kiss goodnight.

Some of you have my mobile number, so keep in touch, and as always I am around if needed.

Take care little beans, love you all loads xxx