What’s your boggle?

First off let me just say I’m not one of these people who are easily irritated. I much prefer to let frivolous problems mount up over a course of weeks or months, smiling throughout while they slowly begin to merge into one outstanding stinker of a nightmare, before erupting harder and hotter than Etna. The strange thing is, I can tolerate big problems with minimal distress, but one small thing on a bad day and I blow a fuse! To add insult to injury, nobody tends to take my rage seriously! There I am hands flapping trying to unleash the fury and I’m accused of “being cute” or “hilarious”? What?? You lot on smack? Clearly something is tripping! (Although I think it may be the wires in my brain today, but I’m not for admitting that to anyone in this household)

Well this morning started out fairly normal. We had Mark and his 20 alarms going off. This used to irritate me to the point I’d be pulling the pillows so hard on my face in the hope I’d suffocate just for some restful sleep, but I have grown used to it now. We have the 5am alarm, then the 6am, 6.15am, 6.35am, 6.50am, and 7.05am all the way on to 8.15am! The usual rush to get us out the door to work and what happens? Karen jumps in the bathroom for 30mins!!! I mean REALLY!! You’re going back to bed love get a handle on it will you? So it was a strip wash and scraped back hair for all this morning! The thing that really ticks me off about the bathroom boggles is when Mark or I are running late we get the standard bitchy whale cry about how unorganised we are and how we should get up earlier. Thing is it doesn’t matter what time you get up in here, she has some built in motion sensor I think. Just seems to know when we take those few steps from the bed to the bog and whoooooosh she makes a beeline! I despise going out without being properly showered. I get quite paranoid about it.

Out on the road, and what a bunch of incompetent imbeciles I was faced with this morning. You got the blonder than blonde wanna be Barbie bint from hell that insisted on making her morning’s goal to royally hack me off! Lane hopping, speeding up to beat amber lights then bottling it and breaking quicker than I knew what was happening! Then you got Mr Bigshot with the car clearly compensating for something much smaller! Apparently you are delusional enough to believe that you are some sort of Lord or something, and having the audacity to give such a hand gesture to me? You know what sunshine I got news for you, you’re just a pickle!! How about you kindly remove your head from up your own arse and have a nice wee smile on your face when I see you tomorrow for I WILL see you tomorrow pal and believe me, you’ll see me and I’ll have a few hand gestures of my own! Thought that was it over and done with but no I was obviously going for the trio this morning! What fancy cars we have in Manchester, the technology is clearly much more advanced than back home in Scotland for you all seem to have infrared indicators! Tip for you lot, buy stronger coffee, perhaps then you will have the extra spark it evidently requires to free up half a second to plonk your idle hands on the stick and flick! It’s not rocket science!!!

After that, thankfully enough the morning passed by quite quickly and fairly uneventfully until I got back to the Polefield pester! Came home (early, which I was pleased about! Karen was still in bed, so that made me wonder again what the half hour bathroom sit in was all about this morning), made myself a cup of tea and headed up to the room, flicked the telly on and witnessed something else that rubbed me up the wrong way. I’m not really a fan of Britain’s got talent, x factor or other mince shows like that, but there was nothing on TV and Britain’s got more talent was on repeat so I sparked a cig and settled down to be bored for a while. What is the deal with the barmy Christians? It’s no wonder people think we’re all mental with loon balls representing us!! Christian mime, the couple come Christian band?? Someone should intervene, sit them down and say “yer hearts in the right place, but you’re really guff so give it a bye and get a real job!” Christian mime? Another piece of advice for the miming monstrosity, if you’re going to wear such vibrant red lipstick, brush your teeth properly... I’ll lay it on the line, you’re teeth were more disgusting than your act and that really is saying something!

Other things that have somewhat bothered me lately:
- No Mother’s Pride plain loaf to be found in England
- Totty scones just are not the same here
- The water makes my skin dry
- Square sausages that don’t taste like feet cannot be found in England
- The next person to scrutinise my Scottish money or refuse to take it, shall find afore mentioned note rammed right up their left nostril! I’m no playin anymore! Game’s a boggy!